So, I'm having a baby
I’m sat here and I really don’t know how to begin this post, overwhelmed with emotion I find all I end up writing is drivel. I guess the first thing to address is how excited I am at the prospect of becoming a father. At 32, I have felt ready to be a father for a few years, there are times where I would pester my then girlfriend (and now wife, Jennifer), but the same words would emanate from her mouth, not unless we are married. Marriage, that was such a scary word, the thought of raising a child was an exciting prospect, but marriage seemed much more scary.
Then it dawned on me, it wasn’t marriage that scared me, I had been with Jennifer for almost a decade and I would have loved nothing more than spending the rest of my life with her. The problem; the wedding itself. I’m not one for fanfare, I don’t like being the centre of attention, I would easily be classed as a typical introvert, large gatherings are exhausting and incessant small talk infuriates me. That’s not to say I am quiet, I just choose who I like to spend my time with carefully, and around these people, an outside observer would probably try classing me as an extrovert.
We found ourselves at a great place in our lives where getting married was a sensible choice, ultimately we ended up having what amounted to be one of the best days of our lives. I couldn’t fault the day one bit, and the issues I had around the wedding, all in my head. If I could do it again, I probably would.
6 months, 2 honeymoons and a new job later, we decided that the time was “right.” One month rolled by, then another and another and time just kept slipping. We were both getting frustrated, we were young, healthy and no obvious reason for things to take so long. Nothing in life seemed to be this hard; when i wanted a new car, I walked into the dealership and left with an order for a car that will be delivered in “just” 3 months. We wanted a house, done. Everything in life seemed to be within our grasp, except for this.
Month after month we were met with disappointment; it feels that some people get pregnant just by thinking about it, we did everything we could to increase our chances and yet every month it was just more heartbreak. Then came my birthday, 2nd September 2016 and Jennifer was “late,” but this was nothing new, we have taken many tests expecting a positive, just to have the idea of a child ripped from us in little more time than it takes to pee on a stick. We decided NOT to test, we were now adept at preparing for the worst, we just didn’t want to risk making what was planned to be a great day a massive failure. The next day came along, we had planned more fun stuff, but things were not going well. The weather was miserable, I wasn’t feeling 100% and we decided to go home. We were both in a bit of a mood and figured, we might as well take a test, we didn’t think we could feel any worse.
Then it happened, the big fat positive (or BFP, one of many acronyms I have had drilled into me over the 11 months) came, we were in disbelief. I said that getting married was one of the happiest days of my life, the only reason it’s not THE happiest day of my life is because of the 3rd of September 2016, the day I found out I was going to be a father. I can’t put into words just how excited I was, but suffice it to say, I sit here in Costa coffee writing this article with a tear in my eye, at the thought of how happy I was that day and I don’t for one moment care who sees.
That was about two months ago and yesterday, we finally managed to share the news with the world, be it friends, family or our new-found internet family on our YouTube channel. Having vlogged our daily lives for over a year now, I felt it fitting that I did something special to help announce the news, you can see how I decided to break the news in the video below. If you enjoy it, be sure to like it and subscribe to our channel to follow our journey.